What was I thinking?!?!?

This was the question that kept running through my head on Thursday.

I was going for dinner...no, a feast,  with two friends at a favourite Malaysian restaurant.  I was going to go to the gym.  And today was the day for Week One Day Two of my Learn to Run program.....

Problem was, my legs hurt.  My bum hurt. I hurt and I was tired and I woke with a headache (my pillows were too high and I slept at an odd angle).  In my head I whined and whined and whined....I had every justification to not go.  Problem was, I really want to do this 5km run.  I do.

I grabbed lunch and committed to drop my mom at the mall for some Christmas shopping...I would go to the gym, do my running program and then be back to at the scheduled time to pick her up.  Now I had done it --- I had to go...can't lie to your mom, can you?

Off I went.  I got changed, started a motivating tune on my iPod and entered the settings on the treadmill..I used the same one as last time.  The first five minutes were fine but every one of the running minutes were killer!  I am certain time slowed to half time for each of them.  I kept thinking I can't do this.  What ever possessed me to tell people what I was doing....what have I done?!?!?!

Somehow, my stubborn streak kicked in and I made it through all 26 minutes, but it was so very tough.  Much tougher than the first session.  Just torturous.

Even after I was done, all I wanted to do was have a nap.  I was proud of what I had accomplished but terrified of this project.  For the first time, I was scared as to whether or not I would be able to accomplish it.

Rosanna, the fitness coordinator at the gym told me it only gets easier from here but I am not sure I believe her yet.  I decided I would have to come back at least once to see if she was telling the truth.

Home, shower and off to enjoy a delicious, well earned dinner with great friends!

Storm

On a new journey

Originally I had thought I would start my new fitness journey last week, but life being what it is, I began yesterday.

I realized that I could not keep finding reasons to distract me.  As the commercial said, I had to Just Do It.  I think that is a problem for me.  I am not always great at saying no.  I do not put me first.  Yesterday I was planning to visit my nephews for a bit.  Usually there is no such thing as a short visit.  A planned pop in turns into a marathon afternoon and slowly slides into dinner and eventually you find yourself pulling into the driveway around 10 or 11. 

Knowing this, I told them I had things to do first and would be by when I was free.  I woke, had breakfast and did some work before heading to the gym around 11 am.  I felt good.

Water bottle....check
iPod......check
Hair clippy thing.....check

I was ready.  Today was day one.

Day one on my journey to becoming more fit.
Day one on my journey to run 5km.

Phase II, knowing I wanted to do this, pulled a  Learn to Run program from the internet and sent it to me.  That is what I decided to follow.  Also, as I am starting this indoors and most 5km are outside, I decided to do this on an incline. 

I walked in.  Scanned the cardio area.  Picked a treadmill. 
Next, placed my water bottle on the right and selected the first song on my iPod.....I will survive!

I selected my settings.....
Program.....Manual
Time.....30 minutes
Incline.....1.2
Pace.......3.0

I was off.

Walk:  5 minutes.....3.0
I can do this. Maybe I will walk a bit extra to loosen up more.
Use the arms. Look up. Feeling strong.
Run:  1 minute......3.6
Not bad.....ugh......is one minute over yet?
Walk: 4 minutes.....3.0
Gasp.....sweat....where is my water....5+1+4 = 10....ok....I don't have to run until 10....I can do it.....
Run:  1 minute.....3.6
I am doin' it.  I can do this.....how long is a minute...is the clock broken?
Walk:  4 minutes.....3.0
Ok....I'm ok.....wow....I am pretty much recovered and it is about 1 to 2 minutes after the last run interval.....this is about half way!
Run:  1 minute.....3.6
I can do this. Maybe I should set the speed higher?  Maybe not.  I'll leave it here.  Don't want to go nuts and get stalled.  I can work on raising it next time.....time is over already?
Walk: 4 minutes.....3.0
Who are they interviewing on that show?  Oh, look at those ladies.  They have been walking the track for a while.   I can't believe I am already at 20 minutes!
Run: 1 minute.....3.6
This is it.  My last run minute for today. Wow!  1 down...23 to go.  10 seconds....9...8..........
Walk: 5 minutes.....3.0
Look at me....I am drenched.  I did it!!  I did it!!!  Me, I am proud of you. 

Walking 22 minutes.
Running 4 minutes.

This was empowering.  Regular people may not understand.  I am obese.  I realized a while ago that my thinking is limiting my life experiences.  I am not going to let that keep happening.  I want to live as long as I can.  I want to make better choices. 

After just one 26 minute session, I have already gained so much.
I have committed to a new goal.
I believe I can attain this new goal.
I feel proud.
I feel strong.

I will do it.  I have to do it.

There is a lot of shame attached to being overweight.  You get used to the looks people give you.  You get used to feeling self conscious.  I have always felt comfortable at the gym.  But, I felt that way (self conscious, embarassed) when I first arrived at the gym yesterday.  I think it is because you do not expect to see a fat person running.  In hindsight, by the time I was at minute 6, I did not care.  I was so focused on myself and this challenge that I was no longer self conscious.  As much as any physical benefits, this self confidence is a gift and a great reward.

After finishing, changing and heading home, I took the dog for a nice half hour walk and then headed off to see the boys.  I got there at 1:30pm.  I had put me first.

Thanks for sharing step one on my journey.

Storm